of the “GREAT Grandson of a Weekend called Fred”
The Goonvention of July 2003
(the one that nearly got away)
By John Francis
The weather was perfect, the venue was astonishing, the accommodation was comfortable, the food was good and plentiful, and the company was (of course) first class.
The weekend began well for the Sussex contingent. We arrived on Friday afternoon, in sunshine and in plenty of time after a trouble-free journey. We were welcomed immediately at reception by a representative of the GSPS, one Paul Downs, who made sure we knew where to find our accommodation, and who subsequently guided us to the function room and introduced us to the security procedures. On the way to our accommodation we were surprised (and pleased) to see Mike Waring of the Northwest group, who had arrived earlier than expected and told us that he had just come from the function room, where he had left some equipment for his group’s performance. When we arrived at the function room it was opened for us by one of the security staff who, while emphasizing that there was an assortment of technical equipment in the room, believed that it probably belonged to the University. So we prepared the room for our sketch, which was scheduled for that evening, unaware of the full consequences of our actions.
Dinner was a happy affair, even if the number and content of the courses was uncertain. (Two courses or three? Self-service or served? Even the staff were unsure. As someone once said “All rather confusing, really”.) But it was an opportunity to remake old acquaintances and to meet some of the invited guests, who were also staying over-night. There was, however, one exception. Yes, the aforementioned Mike Waring (he of the special equipment) who in fact had spent much of the afternoon setting up the function room for his group’s performance and for the invited speakers, on Saturday. He had carefully placed microphones on the stage, positioned his loud speakers and then connected all to an amplifier, mixer panel and CD player. Then with much trial and error he had carefully positioned photographic and computer projectors to give best results on the fitted projector screen. He had then secured and left the room with the sense of qulet satisfaction that comes from knowing that a job has been well done. Then entered the Sussex group, unaware of all this and seeing only a room full of benches and assorted clutter, who cleared everything to one side intent on providing clear access to the front of the stage for our sketch that evening. Was he pleased? Well, no, not entirely.
So, to the evening’s entertainment, entitled “This is Your Life, Mate“. We were joined by Les (who only that evening had rushed over from the south coast at speeds that still remain a secret) which brought our number up to four. Tina happily volunteered to play the Quotts twins (one at a time), but we needed two more performers. So volunteers were sought from the audience. Our thanks therefore go to Roger Gill and (amazingly, for a guest speaker) John Dudley for joining us enthusiastically. As rehearsal was impossible, our Phil had cunningly provided script cards, one for each volunteer, from which to read their lines. Costumes were worn. “Mitchell Disprin” looked resplendent in his Burton suit and “Patsy” and “Daisy” were delightful with their blonde hair bound in long plaits and their knees freshly polished for the occasion. As for Molly and Freda Quotts, well, they could easily have passed for sisters, one at a time, inevitably some parts of what followed did not go exactly as planned but Bill as the “victim” (or subject) appeared genuinely perplexed throughout and, by the end of the sketch most of the audience had got the hang of their kazoos.
I think it was well received, but I will leave the criticism for those less closely involved. We certainly had fun with it, anyway. Which was just as well, because afterwards we had to return the room to Waring specifications, which meant we not only missed the quiz, but were still there after to enjoy a quiz, the bar had closed.
Saturday morning breakfast was excellent. The party then separated, for most to enjoy a quiz in the foyer, while the Northwest Group (by then nearly complete) joined by Phil and myself rehearsed their Goon Show, in the function room. Somehow we found time (and space) for a break with coffee and Danish pastries, but the rehearsals effectively filled the morning. After lunch we all assembled, with our guests, in the function room.
Alastair Roxburgh spoke knowledgeably about the Telegoons, describing how they were developed and their association with the radio shows, which he illustrated with extracts from his web site.
John Dudley set the Telegoons in the context of a world-wide tradition of Marionette Theatre, illustrated several of its forms, and concluded with the development of the most widely known British example, Punch & Judy. He then went on to relate some of the details of his involvement in the performance of the Telegoon shows, ending with a clip from his last one.
Ann Perrin told us of her and her late father’s involvement in the Telegoons, including the creation of some of the puppets, which she illustrated with some examples of exquisitely carved hands. All the speakers shared in some reminiscences. She and her son then performed a live show for us with two puppets, one of which was an “Eccles” made especially for the occasion.
Violet Philpott was included in the discussion and reminiscences but by the time she mentioned she had brought a recording with her of an interview with Spike, time was already running out. Our Phil rushed off to his room to get something to play it on but sadly there was only time for us to hear the opening remarks.
At some time during all this Jane Milligan arrived, chatted briefly with Tina, then stood to wish us all well before leaving, and to mention that there was to be an unveiling of a blue plaque to her late father on the following day. More of this later and parting for dinner.
Again we managed to fit in a break with coffee and biscuits before finally departing for dinner. Talk during the three course meal was a mixture of speculation about Paul Downs, who we had last seen at breakfast looking as ill as he sounded, and discussion of transport arrangements for Sunday’s surprise excursion to the blue plaque unveiling.
The evening’s Goon Show, courtesy of the Northwest group, was marvellous. “Seagoon Saviour of the BBC” was excellently written, well prepared and a joy to perform. Well done to all concerned.
The remainder of the evening was, er, unusual. A large and extremely varied number of Goon related items had been collected and were displayed, for auction and raffle. Ruxton Hayward (the “original” voice of Bluebottle) had joined us for the afternoon and had donated to this collection a number of rare photographs from his long and varied career. The auction was duly held, conducted by that talented duo Bob Jarvis and Nigel Bush, and much excitement was generated as the prices for some items reached unexpected heights while others slipped away as “bargains”. In more relaxed mood the same team then presided over the raffle, which effectively dispersed the remainder of the “goodies”. There then followed a couple of videos. First was possibly the only Telegoon episode readily available, “China Story“. This was followed by an infamous extract from a TV panel game in which our own Bray of Kent put a joke to Spike Milligan which forced Spike to take the straight-man role, which he accepted and left Bob to give the punch line! We then retired to the bar, some just before time, and some JUST AFTER. Fortunately we were on campus and something of the spirit of the place must have prevailed because back in the accommodation block an international hard core was found holding deep and meaningful discussions over wine and coffee, well into the night.
On Sunday the itinerary was thrown away. By the end of breakfast it was clear that nearly everyone was going to see the unveiling. I was one of the four who did not. So, gentle reader, if you are looking for an account of that event you will need to look elsewhere. I have been told that Eric Sykes was in top form as the speaker.
For two of us who remained it was an opportunity to see the amazing Founder’s Building, an exceptionally fine piece of very ornate 19th century architecture, and to visit the college shop for souvenirs. The remainder of the morning was spent keeping Ruxton company. We did the best we could with the coffee and Danish pastries for 30. Then, when the buffet lunch for 30 was delivered, we tried to answer in some embarrassment that we did not know whether, when, or how many of the others may be retuning in the hope of sharing it. Eventually about half of the party did return to the campus and many good byes were said before departing.
As we returned to Sussex we agreed that we had enjoyed the weekend, although with some reservations, and we would like to see another convention, but one of the doubts was that the small attendance on this occasion made another one seem uncertain.
I am sure all those who attended had a good time, so why were we so few? Could it have been lack of advance notice? Possibly; the dates for the Brighton do and for this event were both announced first in December of the previous year, but the Brighton event was held in October which, being out of season, may have been easier for some. Could it have been the cost? True it was more than the cost for Brighton but only by an amount that averaged about 4% per year, so it could be compared with inflation over the same period. Could it have been the lack of mega-stars among the invited guests? Possibly. but given the present availability of the members of the original cast, what else could be expected? So was it just a difficult venue to reach?
Surely not, being close by the M25, near to Heathrow airport, and even 40 miles further north than Brighton. The answers to these and other questions we may never know. The guest speakers were well worth hearing and the NW group’s home-grown Goon Show was well up to their renowned high standard. Meanwhile, in Sussex we like to think our own contribution was appreciated also.
The Goon Show Preservation Society 