The Egham 2003 Goonvention
Friday 4th July
By Bob Jarvis
I could really do with a nice cup of tea…
After a tiring drive (half hour jam on the A30 at Exeter, 50min delay at Wincanton, traffic building up through Sunningdale) I found Royal Holloway College Reception crowded with suspicious looking characters – predominantly men in beards . . . “There’s a lot of Goonish looking people here”. I muttered . . . came a voice from the back “and you’re one of them” — so I knew I was in the right place…. issued with meal tickets, room key and ‘itinerary’… found my room – just as well I didn’t bring Tibbles – no room to swing her in the shower cubicle, but accommodation comfortable with pleasant outlook, and large shared kitchen facillty next door. So – a nice cup of tea.
Dinner Friday
Introductions – several Johns including John Dudley who I discovered lives in Braunton – Nigel Bush from Exeter (sort of via Glastonbury Festival) – total so far – three from Devon. Sussex Mob and the Long Tall Texan made up the rest of the table. Outside for quick tobacco break with Paul Downs, and chat about newsletter printing costs . . . threatened with excommunication by Paul who was refusing to give change from a proffered ten shilling note other than a photocopy of a five shilling postal order . . . Devon Gang slightly outnumbered, so Nigel and I retreated to the safety of Stumbles Bar – only had one, but still managed to be late for the start of Sussex Mob’s “This is Your Life, Mate“
Sussex Sketch
Two very attractive Sabrina lookalikes – busily preening their straw coloured hair, and so sadly failed to administer the kazoos in time for the opening theme tune – no matter, the same tune was used frequently, and eventually most of us got the hang of playing in a kazoo orchestra.
Steam Count Bill Horsman was the subject. Several dubious characters from Bill’s past were introduced including “Bruce”, “Molly Quotts” and her twin sister “Freda” who, cradling a bundle of joy, shyly admitted that she had last seen Bill nine months ago; the little bundle was unwrapped to reveal a large bottle of ‘Quick Round The Back For The Old’ brandy.
Hasty retreat to Stumbles – by following the ‘older and wiser’, found a shorter route, but being ‘younger and dumber’ managed to get order in first – felt the threat of impending doom as one of the ‘older and wiser’ grasped my shoulder and said in a threatening tone “You ARE from Devon?” Was this TarquIn the Terrible seeking to exact revenge on behalf of the Sussex Mob for being late at their sketch? No point in denying it, then.
No, it’s Don Burrows – turns out he’s also from Devon (that makes four) – relief, he’s one of us – relief short lived – he then says “I know you from the Ivy House”. My secret is out – OK I admit it – I occasionally play in jazz bands – another good reason for hiding one’s face behind a beard.
Penny Points
In beer garden, sat with Tina and family, talking T-shirts, ties etc – ‘Penny Points’ video about to start – breathless amble back up to Queens Building – slightly late again but just in time for the beginning of the film – Spike, Harry, Peter and Alfred Marks plus more great names – including scenes of Harry shaving – the opera sketch – Peter doing Groucho – I wonder who played piano, sounded very Milliganish.
10.55
Fast stroll back to Stumbles, just time for a nightcap . . . a Hern type Hern joined us – Dick Baker, another jazz fiend – promised to let us have an update on US Goonery and Max Geldray . . . he wrote to Dick Katz (the US pianist) who said he had received many enquiries ‘did you play for the Goon Show?’ . . . Dick also suggested a ‘little known facts’ series, such as ‘One of only two makers of bassoon reeds in USA is a Goon fan’ . . . imagine the scene – he sits in his workshop, winding string around a pair of reeds, like tying a fly for fishing – miles of carefully and neatly wound string – listening to a goon show – bursts out laughing – string unwinds – has to start all over again.
Bar closed at 11 – at 1am I’m still scribbling – trying to capture on paper all the memories – this has been only an evening, there’s a full day of it tomorrow . . .
So – a nice cup of tea …
The Goon Show Preservation Society 