Starring Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan
Announcer: Wallace Greenslade
Music by Max Geldray and The Ray Ellington Quartet
The Orchestra was conducted by Wally Stott
Script: Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens
Producer: Peter Eton
Recorded: Sunday 24 January 1954
First Broadcast : Friday 29 January 1954 on the BBC Home Service
- The first segment is The History of Communications, a sketch that first appeared in show 1/7. It documents progress in communications, starting with yelling over short distances (“Hey, Fred!” “’Ullo!”), then the Greek runner, Goonicus, who ran to Athens bearing news of a great victory. After nearly two thousand years, the Penny Post is invented, finally dispensing with the runner (“About time, too!”). Then the Parcel Post is invented, allowing packages (such as bombs) to be sent to loved ones. Then the wireless is invented, and proves an invaluable aid in crime-fighting, provided the police dispatcher doesn’t crash the cars into each other. In wartime, secret methods of communication are used. In modern times, if you wish to be heard hundreds or thousands of miles away, you need only lift up your phone and yell.
- The Siege of Khartoum occupies the remaining two segments of the programme. Major Bloodnok and his troops are besieged in Khartoum by the Mahdi. When the news reaches Parliament, Gladstone calls an emergency meeting to discuss the problem of rabbit overpopulation in Australia. Meanwhile, in Khartoum, Captain Berksnail of the Third Athlete’s Foot arrives with an envelope containing a message inside. But it’s useless, because Bloodnok doesn’t speak a word of Side. A wireless message comes in from England, but instead of news of the relief column, it’s football scores. An outraged Bloodnok reports this to Queen Victoria (“This news has just been received from Major Bloodnok.” “Pray read it.” “Arsenal 9, Sunderland 14.”). Henry Crun is put in charge of a relief force and sets out for Africa. Meanwhile, at Khartoum, Bloodnok, Eccles, Carstairs, Ellington, and Abdul are being shelled by the Mahdi’s troops. Crun’s relief column arrives just as the Mahdi breaks into the fort, and the situation is saved. Henry bears a special message from Her Majesty the Queen—Arsenal 1, Sunderland 4.
The Goon Show Preservation Society 