Starring Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan, with John Snagge
Announcer: Wallace Greenslade
Music: there was a musicians strike at the time of recording.
Script: Spike Milligan
Producer: Pat Dixon
Recorded: Sunday 19 February 1956
First Broadcast: Tuesday 21 February 1956 on the BBC Home Service
Greenslade threatens to leave after Peter plays three piano chords following the opening announcement – there’s a musicians’ strike on and, as a member of the Announcers’ Union, he cannot appear in a show that employs musicians. The situation is resolved by the appearance of Adolphus Spriggs, a non-playing musician, who offers to sing all the music links. Neddie Seagoon, part-time strolling Prime Minister, is confronted by the King of Italy, who informs him that Gina, the Tuscan Salami given as a goodwill present, is missing from the zoo. If she is not found it will be war. But this is terrible news for another reason – Gina and her mate, Fred, were the sole breeders of Tuscan-type salami used in the ‘hot dog’, a new and secret missile. It seems that the missing diplomats Burgess and McTeeth have stolen Gina and defected to Russia. For the first musical interlude Adolphus Spriggs sings “I’m Walking Backwards for Christmas”. Worse news follows. The Zoological Society chairman reports that Fred is pining for the missing Gina and will soon be shrunk to the size of a small frankfurter – useless as a guided missile. Grytpype and Moriarty, ostensibly from the Foreign Office but actually Russian spies, arrive on the scene. They find and steal the plans of a female salami. It turns out that Burgess and McTeeth got hungry on their journey and ate the only female salami this side of the Spaghetti Curtain. But the off-white Russian scientist Pavlov has created an artificial male salami and, with the plans of a female, they can breed millions of them. The second musical interlude is Harry performing a parody of Housewives’ Choice. Neddie visits Henry Crun, head of MI5, to check on Grytpype and Moriarty, but Minnie and Henry are unable to figure out how to open the door to let him in. Bluebottle reports that Grytpype and Moriarty have been spotted in a balloon (which turns out to be a MiG fighter in bloomers) escaping toward Moscow. Neddie sets off in pursuit in Bloodnok’s charabanc. They fire Bluebottle at the fighter but miss. Grytpype and Moriarty drop a piano on Neddie and Bloodnok. This foils their escape as they are shot by Customs for leaving the country without a piano. The show ends with Greenslade singing the signature tune and Spriggs singing “Crest of a Wave” as the play-out.
The Goon Show Preservation Society 