Moriarty: You can’t arrest me!
Seagoon: And why not?
Moriarty: See that plate on the steamroller? See the letters on it? C.D.
Willium: Cor blimey!
Moriarty: No, Corps Diplomatique! I have diplomatic immunity!
Starring Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan
Announcer: Wallace Greenslade
Music by Max Geldray and The Ray Ellington Quartet
The Orchestra was conducted by Wally Stott
Script: Spike Milligan
Producer: Peter Eton
Recorded: Sunday 16 October 1955
First Broadcast : Tuesday 18 October 1955 on the BBC Home Service
As Neddie Seagoon washes his overcoat in Trafalgar Square fountain, he disturbs Major Bloodnok, who is taking a bath. Neddie steps into Regent Street, where he’s run over by a steamroller. The driver, Count Moriarty, is Deputy Vice Pommefrite of the Titicacan Legation, has diplomatic immunity, and thus can’t be charged. As Eccles tries to comfort him, Ned is struck by a piano falling from a window. Ned asks Eccles to call the fire brigade, so he sets a fire to summon them. The firemen, Min and Henry, set up a crane to lift the piano off Seagoon, but then the lunch whistle sounds and they depart. Neddie extricates himself from under the piano and confronts the man who threw the piano out the window – Hercules Grytpype-Thynne. Ned plans to sue for £50,000, but Grytpype and Moriarty claim that the piano had CD plates on and therefore diplomatic immunity applies. But Ned has the piano stored in a secret bonded warehouse. Ned hires Bloodnok to prosecute the case, but Bloodnok’s fee is £40,000. Where is Ned to get the money Grytpype offers Ned £40,000 to break into a certain bonded warehouse, and, blindfolded, screw a small metal plate on an object stored there. He also gives Ned a cucumber that has a bomb concealed in it timed to explode after the deed has been done. Ned enlists the help of the guards, Eccles and Bluebottle. In return for the cucumber, Bluebottle agrees to screw the plate onto the piano. He does so and is blown up when the cucumber explodes. The piano thus does have a CD plate when the case comes to court and the judge awards Grytpype £50,000 for wrongful accusation. To get the money, Ned goes to Titicaca and intentionally gets run over by a steamroller so that he can sue for £50,000. But the driver of the steamroller is Bloodnok, British Ambassador to the Court of Titican, and he has diplomatic immunity.
The Goon Show Preservation Society 