Starring: Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan
Announcer: Wallace Greenslade
Music by Max Geldray and The Ray Ellington Quartet
The Orchestra was conducted by Wally Stott
Script: Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens
Producer: Pat Dixon
Recorded: Sunday 2 December 1956
First Broadcast: Wednesday 5 December 1956 on the BBC Home Service
The plot is based on the popular TV panel game format – the characters sign in when they first appear and do a mime. Neddie Seagoon’s mime starts with him as a student at the Royal Academy of Music, where he’s studying drums. He is examined by Spriggs and Grytpype. Eccles is also a student there, learning to play the telephone in E-flat. Moriarty is next to sign in. In his mime, he delivers a message to Grytpype from Major Bloodnok – who is in a phone box, naked, and wants the number of a good tailor. Next come Henry and Minnie, postmaster and registrar of parcels, respectively, for the GPO. Henry faints after a rousing rendition of Minnie’s song in praise of the GPO. Messenger boy Seagoon tries to phone the doctor but he can’t because Eccles is doing his mime in the telephone box. He dials Whitehall 1212. Constable Willium answers and informs them that Major Bloodnok is in Alaska, where he’s gone to place a long distance call. After Alaska signs in, Seagoon and Eccles set up a portable road which, by a stroke of luck, leads to Bloodnok’s phone box. Bloodnok signs in. His mime starts in India in 1883. The Son of Mullah and his tribesmen are attacking. Lieutenant Klinge of the navy can’t evacuate them as they’ve run out of water – they have to retreat on foot. Bugler Bluebottle signs in and sounds retreat on his bugle. At that point, Son of Mullah arrives and challenges Bloodnok to a duel. Bloodnok chooses the weapons of his country—conkers. By means of a complicated and silly manoeuvre, Bloodnok forces the Mullah to surrender. At that point the gong sounds and, nobody having guessed any of the contestant’s occupations, the host asks the contestants to tell the listeners what’s their line. Seagoon, Eccles, and Bluebottle respond in turn, “I’m an idiot”.
The Goon Show Preservation Society 