Starring Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan, with George Chisholm
Announcer: Wallace Greenslade
Music by Max Geldray and The Ray Ellington Quartet
The Orchestra was conducted by Wally Stott
Script: Larry Stephens and Maurice Wiltshire
Producer: Charles Chilton
Recorded: Sunday 19 January 1958
First Broadcast: Monday 20 January 1958 on the BBC Home Service
Inspector Seagoon will be sacked unless he finds a murdered body and solves the crime. He places an advertisement for a murdered body. Those down-and-out villains, Moriarty and Grytpype, see the ad. Moriarty places a fake bullet hole on his head and feigns death. Grytpype points out the body to Seagoon in return for the reward and points out which direction the murderer went. Ned runs off that way and ends up in Chinatown. He meets an undertaker whose business is falling off and signs a contract to provide bodies to him. Then comes a report that the body of Moriarty has vanished. Seagoon goes to Crun and Company, licensed clue manufacturers. Among the clues is eye-witness Eccles, who didn’t see the murderer and could identify him if he didn’t see him again. Seagoon takes Eccles to optician Major Bloodnok, who pronounces his eyes to be perfect. A boot such as that allegedly worn by the murderer is found on the banks of the Serpentine. Eccles and Bluebottle are put on guard to arrest the criminal when he returns to retrieve his rightful property. They apprehend Bloodnok, who was there for a secret tryst with Minnie Bannister. When Seagoon offers a reward of £5 for the murderer of Moriarty, Grytpype and Moriarty show up to claim it. Grytpype claims that Moriarty shot himself by putting a finger to the side of his head and going ‘bang’. To demonstrate how ridiculous that is, Seagoon puts his finger to the side of his head and shoots himself. The undertaker shows up and starts to bury Seagoon’s body. Ned says he can’t be buried—he wants to join the Guards. But nobody under six feet can join the Guards.
The Goon Show Preservation Society 