Series 1 – Plot Synopses


The shows in this series consist of a group of independent comedy sketches separated by the musical numbers. The sketches tend to have a topic rather than a plot and are really a string of fast-paced dialogue and jokes rather than a story.


1/1 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • In Yukkabakaba, Sandy Fields (Sellers) interviews the alleged author of the programme—Jones (Secombe), who recounts the story of how the programme came to be.
  • In The Story of the BRM, Osric Pureheart and Ernie Splutmuscle build the BRM race car, so called because of the noise it makes (Brrrmmmm! Brrrrmmm!).
  • Dick Barton is a comic send-up of the radio adventure series, ending with Barton, Jock, and Snowey being blown up by an atom bomb (foreshadowing future Bluebottle-deading, perhaps).
  • In The Quest for Tutankhamen, Sir Harold Porridge and Harold Vest sail forth to Egypt and find King Tutankhamen in his royal tomb, but they’re too late—he’s dead!
  • The Festival of Britain parodies a radio “Salute to Britain” from various other nations, and points out Britain’s accomplishments in various fields—sport, cuisine, education, and hygiene.
    View in the Radio Times


1/2 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • In the first, Herschel interviews the show’s alleged author, Jones, who tells the story of his son’s partially successful capture of a bank robber.
  • Men of Medicine focuses on the importance of good eyesight, and a less-than-successful experimental operation to remove the appendix of an elephant.
  • The Rat Catcher, Mr. Ernie Splutmuscle, tells the story of his honeymoon in Paris.
  • A Hundred Years from Today observes that crime is increasing so rapidly that by 1996 criminals will outnumber and out-vote honest citizens, even possibly reversing all the laws of the state. The sketch focuses on a man being tried for repeated and premeditated acts of honesty.
  • Adventure Unlimited recounts Sir Harold Porridge’s expedition across the Atlantic to Baffin Land in search of the East Pole.


1/3 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones, in which Jones recounts his schooldays and his 20 years of work with the mathematician Arnold J. Fringe, which resulted in the discovery that X equals nought.
  • The History of Flight starts in 42 AD with a medieval Irish monk, who, by jumping off a cliff with wings strapped to his arms, invents the compound fracture. It recounts further attempts at flight in ancient China, Wales, Vienna, and France, culminating with Orville Wright’s surprise invention of a machine capable of heavier-than-air flight.
  • In Russian Sports, athlete Ernie Splutmuscle recounts England’s defeat at the Russian Games of 1928, in which he lost the 880 to the glorious Russian athlete . . . and his glorious Russian horse.
  • Sound Effects is the trial of two BBC sound effects engineers charged with causing each other grievous bodily harm. Most of the nouns in their testimony are sound effects rather than words.
  • The Bluffs is the story of Sir Harold Porridge’s battle with the Mad Mullah on the Northwest frontier of India.


1/4 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones, in which Jones serves 17 years in prison. After serving his full sentence, he tells the warder he wants to start over and is put back in prison for another 17-years.
  • Slimming examines weight loss schemes.
  • Honeymoon Memories recounts the misadventures of Ernie and Sybil Splutmuscle on their honeymoon at Mrs. Higg’s boarding house for cultured dustmen, when the place catches fire.
  • Parliament in Session speculates on what would happen if the occasional humorous give-and-take in Parliament were to be replaced by a more professional approach to comedy in the House.
  • The Conquest of Everest recounts Sir Harold Porridge’s expedition to the top of that great mountain.


1/5 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones, in which Jones, attached to the British Embassy in Moscow, is captured by the Secret Police and sent to a prison camp in Siberia.
  • In A Visit to the Health Clinic, roving reporter Roger Fudgeknuckle interviews Dr. Evan Evans and his assistant, Ernie Splutmuscle, at their health clinic.
  • The Brabagoon recounts Osric Pureheart’s building of the Brabagoon, the world’s largest airliner, which has difficulty taking off—and then more difficulty landing.
  • Summer Holidays examines Britons on holiday sailing in a boat, on the seaside resorts, on the Continent, and exploring subterranean caves near Dover.
  • The Adventure Unlimited segment tells The Story of the Yukon Gold Rush, in which Major O’Shea and his old comrade Yogut Muleboot go prospecting.


1/6 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • Further Adventures of Herschel has Jones recounting his ne’er-do-well past, culminating in his homeless wandering of the streets, until at last he collapses on the pavement and is buried in the snow, only to be rescued by Eccles.
  • The Story of Civilisation traces civilisation from the invention of taxation by early cavemen, through the invention of the wheel, the conquest of Britain by Caesar, the defence of Britain from the Vikings, and the Birth of the first regular Army under Cromwell.
  • Splutmuscle the Boxer recounts the infamous bantamweight bout between Ernie Splutmuscle and the Chelsea Killer—Pensioner Bates.
  • Operations of MI6 tells the inside story of that most secret of services.
  • In African Adventures, Sir Harold Porridge sets out to become a great elephant hunter, but is captured by the Yakkabakka tribe, who, being the friendly natives that they are, insist on having him for dinner.


1/7 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones: Jones recounts his misadventures in the Mediterranean, ending, as usual, with Jones in prison.
  • The History of Communications starts with primitive yelling, progresses to the Greek runner Goonicus, the Penny Post, the Parcel Post, the wireless, and finally the telephone.
  • The Adventures of Phillip String is the first of a three-part serial. String steals a van-load of gold from the bank where he’s a clerk, then escapes on board the liner Cravonia.
  • In Sea Stories, Cap’n Splutmuscle tells several nautical jokes.
  • The Building of the Merseygoon Tunnel recounts Osric Pureheart’s building of the tunnel from one side of the Merseygoon, eventually linking up with the London Underground.


1/8 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones: Jones recounts his life in Berkshire, ending in his escape from rural destitution.
  • BBC Sketch explores the ramifications of the reduced income to the BBC due to radio listeners not paying their licence fees. The resulting austerity programme forces cast members to perform the music links and sound effects. The impact on the Dick Barton programme is described.
  • The Adventures of Phillip String, Episode 2 details the further adventurers of the fugitive bank robber, Phillip String. In this episode, String loses his entire fortune gambling aboard the liner Cravonia and attempts to escape from the ship to avoid paying his debts.
  • Commentary from the Funfair has BBC commentators Roger Fudgeknuckle and Jack Islott reporting from the Battersea Funfair on the jolly time everyone is having. Islott gets seasick on the Big Dipper, while Fudgeknuckle reports on Abdul O’Brien, fortune-teller, and Splutmuscle’s Flea Circus.
  • The Goonbird recounts Osric Pureheart’s attempt to capture the world speedboat record with his invention, the Goonbird.


1/9 (untitled) has five sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones: Jones recounts his service in France in World War II—ogling in the Folies Bergeres and peeling spuds.
  • Summertime Activities explores the favourite diversions of the Briton during the summer season: relaxing in the garden; visiting the waxworks; bird-watching; picnics in the country. But for postmen, work must go on . . .
  • The Adventures of Phillip String, Episode 3: Our intrepid hero, in an attempt to avoid paying his bar bill, jumps ship and finds himself ashore in India. Unable to obtain a loan from the Bombay Bank, he joins the Indian Army. Spurned by the Colonel’s daughter, he seeks solace in a native night-club.
  • In Splutmuscle the Private Investigator, Ernie Splutmuscle investigates a murder, only to find out that the culprit is his hero, Dick Barton.
  • Journey into Space is the tale of Osric Pureheart’s construction of the first British rocket ship.


1/10 (untitled) has four sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones: Jones recounts his adventures in the Secret Service in Istanbul.
  • The Building of the Sydney Harbour Goon Bridge has Osric Pureheart explaining how he had to make do with building the bridge using a shovel after the failure of the Bentine Super-activated Lurgi-nut Excavator.
  • Air Pageant and Country Fair finds our intrepid BBC commentators, Roger Fudgeknuckle and Jack Islott, reporting on the air display at Hengoon Aerodrome, and on the rural fair at Widdington.
  • The Story of Colonel Slocombe recounts the Colonel’s singularly unsuccessful attempt to defend the southern town of Goonville, and the mansion of that steamed Southern Gentleman, Mr. Julep, against Confederate troops during the American Civil War.


1/11 (untitled) has four sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones: Jones recounts his exploits in command of the First Poona Horse in India.
  • Stories of Scotland Yard describes the effort to defeat an attempt by a French femme fatale to corrupt the Ministers of the Crown.
  • In The Great Naval Manoeuvre Roger Fudgeknuckle, Jack Islott, and Jasper Crake report on the great mock sea-battle involving the Allied fleets.
  • Adventure Unlimited recounts The Quest for the White Queen in which Major Bloodnok and his comrade, Sergeant Major Rick O’Shea, set out to find the White Queen of the Toofa-grass tribe in Central Africa, despite the threat of man-eating tigers (quick—someone give Spike Milligan a zoology text!).


1/12 (untitled) has three sketches:

  • Herschel and Jones: The Escape Tunnel—Jones is captured in the Boer War and builds an escape tunnel.
  • The Bentine Lurgi-driven Tank recounts Osric Pureheart’s blundering attempts to build a tank capable of matching the power of the German Panzerwacht.
  • The Quest for Cloot Wlimington is the story of Sir Harold Porridge’s expedition to rescue Cloot Wilmington, who has been captured in India by the Mad Mullah.


1/13 (untitled) has four sketches:

  • Dr. Jones, Eminent Brain Specialist is recruited by the government of Nosdrovia to perform an emergency operation on their president.
  • A Survey of Britain examines several aspects of contemporary British society: the housing problem; family habits; holiday facilities; and life expectancy.
  • Seaside Resort has our BBC commentators, Roger Fudgeknuckle and Jack Islott, visiting the popular holiday resort of Clushboot-on-Sea. Included are an interview with a holidaymaker who can’t decide how long he’s been on holiday; children playing around the South Pier; the caretaker of Devil’s Point; and the amusements on the South Pier.
  • Colonel Slocombe: Wild West recounts the Colonel’s attempts to defend Skunk Hollow from attacks by hostile Indians.


1/14 (untitled) has three sketches:

  • Jones Searches for Harry Lime has Jones, Chief of British Secret Police, in Vienna searching for the mysterious and elusive Harry Lime.
  • Dick Barton and the Listeners’ Panel has that intrepid agent dealing with accommodating into his programme the suggestions of an outside panel of listeners while still trying to capture the fiendish oriental, Fu Manchu.
  • The Boxer Rebellion is the story of how Major Bloodnok leaves a comfortable life sponging off the wealthy widow, Mrs. Wilmington, to lead his regiment in an unsuccessful foray against the rebellious Chinese.


1/15 (untitled) has four sketches:

  • More Coal, Larry: Sellers and Secombe explore the anatomy of a catch-phrase.
  • Secombe—Horse Faker: Secombe is embroiled in a horse-faking scheme in France, only to have it undone by his assistant, Eccles.
  • The Building of the Goonitania tells how Osric Pureheart built the greatest ocean liner ever, only to have it sink because the Goonard Line had the audacity to launch it!
  • The Quest for the Ring-tailed Yakkabakaka has Major Bloodnok trekking to the Amazon jungle to acquire a specimen of the ring-tailed yakkabakaka for the British Zoological Society, with the predictable fatal results for all of the expedition’s participants.


1/16 (untitled) has four sketches:

  • The Loves of Harry Secombe recounts the efforts of Harry Secombe to avoid marrying the elderly Hydia Harbinger (one of the Harbingers of Doom).
  • The Salvaging of the Goonitania takes up where the previous show’s episode left off. Osric Pureheart and his salvage ship, the SS Bentine, attempt to salvage the sunken ocean liner, but an octopus thwarts their efforts.
  • Sound Effects Men in Court is a rewrite of the fourth sketch from show 1/3. It recounts the trial of two BBC sound effects engineers charged with causing each other grievous bodily harm. Most of the nouns in their testimony are sound effects rather than words.
  • Bloodnok of Borgoona is the tale of the attempts of Major Bloodnok and his regiment, the Third Pricky Heats, to defend Borgoona (a Southeast Asian country remarkably similar to Burma) from invasion from an enemy remarkably similar to the Japanese. Long live the BBC censors! Eccles can’t see any Japs (er—Borgoonians) for lack of sliced garlic, and so the story ends with Bloodnok’s surrender to enemy forces.

1/17 (untitled) has four sketches:

  • Harry Secombe’s Musical Training recounts Our Hero’s early musical training in piano and voice.
  • The Brabagoon is a fresh performance (with minor rewriting) of the third sketch in show 1/5, in which Osric Pureheart builds the Brabagoon, the world’s largest airliner, which has difficulty taking off—and then more difficulty landing.
  • Summer Holidays is an abbreviated rewrite of the fourth sketch of show 1/5.
  • Bloodnok the Peacemaker is the tale of Major Bloodnok and his regiment, the Third Prickly Heats, being sent to Africa to defuse the tensions during the Zulu wars. Bloodnok wins a native wife in a dancing contest and then bests the Zulus by running up the Union Jack while they’re not looking.

1/sp Cinderella

  • A Goons version of the Cinderella panto.
    Cinderella was played by Lizbeth Webb. Secombe played Buttons, Sellers was Baron Bloodnock and Hycinth, the ugly sister, Bentine played Captain Pureheart, Milligan played Eccles Dandini and Queen Minnie, Ellington was the butler and Graham Stark was Prince Charming.

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